dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Come see our sink grown plant.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize