The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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