I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
