maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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