...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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