Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
