So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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