That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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