Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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