somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
