You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
