Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
