he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
