If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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