My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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