dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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