i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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