you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
