Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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