She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
