How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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