Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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