We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
