Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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