im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize