is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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