I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
