How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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