just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
