Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
