My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
