woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
