R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
