Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
