Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
