I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
