Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
