I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
