if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
