im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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