can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
