I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
