we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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