I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
