tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
