i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Panties = found
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
