he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
