Just cropdusted the office
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
