last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
