Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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