matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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