I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
