Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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