I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize