I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
