i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
