Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
