dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
