I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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