I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
