Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
