Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
