Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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(415): View more from California

I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

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(646): View more from New York

We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions

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(630): View more from Illinois

What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment

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(647): View more from Ontario

Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover

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(540): View more from Virginia

no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??

(804): View more from Virginia

damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos

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