I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
