Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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