Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
