I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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