it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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