What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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