First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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