4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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