Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
