Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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