Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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