what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
