I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
