if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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