He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize